These are the Lessons in Love

I did take the title of this post from a Neon Trees song, yes. I love throwback pop songs and you can't take away the nostalgia and joy I feel for them.

I've learned a lot over the past month. God's taken away some friends and given me some new ones. My friends have lost people close to them, and I've lost several people I'm close with. We've cried, we've laughed, sometimes laughing so hard we cry. Life has not exactly been predictable for me the past month, but I'm grateful for it. God has been insanely good to me.

I've learned that your good friends are not always who you thought they were, that time is not a measure of how much someone loves you, that love can come out of nowhere, and that the best love is unexpected. I went through what was essentially two rough breakups last semester, so I decided to not date for awhile. One of my friends, however, someone who stayed on my mind the entire time, decided to take a chance on me and I said yes.

I've had lots of friends break up with the ones they thought they would marry, and I did the same last semester. We've learned that age does not make maturity, that time does not determine feelings. College is a time where you start to see people for who they really are because not everyone is who they appear to be. Some people are worth their weight and more in gold, while others were only fair weather friends.

This past semester, I've come a long way with relationships. I'm independent enough to not need a man, but when the right one comes along, especially if God's been getting me to pay attention to him for months, I won't say no. It's been a time of growth and change, but I can't say it's been bad. It's not been wonderful to lose people I care about, but watching my other friendships blossom and grow has been beautiful.

If you've ever had a similar experience or have advice for anyone else going through something like this, please drop a comment!

Money Matters

Hey, everybody!

I'm back, writing this because we're expecting snow here in Alabama. I'm not anticipating getting much, so instead, I've been working on getting ahead in my work and on making my loan repayment calendar. When my loan for the spring hit, my interest went from being under $20 to being over $70. Although I honestly have a small loan (my loan for all 4 years should be less than one year completely out of pocket), I still would like as much of my debt to be gone before I even graduate.

My plan to attack this debt is to go ahead and pay monthly, even if it only takes away interest. Compound interest is making it difficult to pay this loan off and I've barely made any loans. By paying $90 a month, the amount I owe by the end of February is STILL more than what I currently owe. To pay off my loan, I'd need to pay over $400 a month. Y'all look, if I had $400 a month, I could afford to not have student loans.

I'm selling on poshmark and transferring the money I earn back to my bank account so I can make more payments. I'm earning commissions on Arbonne. I'm avoiding using my debit card as much as possible. Next semester, once I can save $1000 on my meal plan alone, I'm going to take that extra money and use it to seriously pay back my loan. Either that, or I won't take out the full loan. I'm going to have to look more closely at the long-term effects of that.

I understand why my parents wanted me to take out the loan- it builds my credit score and I can honestly start paying it back relatively easily- but this is a hole I'm having to dig myself out of. I'm 18. I shouldn't have to sign my life away for a degree, yet sadly my loan is one of the smallest I know of. I have friends who are paying as much as I will for 4 years for only one semester even while on scholarship. I don't want to do that. I want to pay off each year's loan before the next year, but even if I can only pay off a semester at a time, I'll be happy.

If you're in college and have already started paying back your loans, how did you do it? If you've graduated and have paid off your loan (or are close to it), I'm also curious as to what you did.

New Year, Same Me (Probably)

It's officially 2019 and I'm already back on campus. Yep, the spring semester is starting for me. I'm not a big fan of "new year, new me" because when you set arbitrary deadlines for yourself like that, you usually don't succeed or you become much more tough on yourself when you fail. Failure is not inherently bad- it's a blow, that's for sure, but it's also a learning experience, a setback, but not a way of life. At least, it shouldn't be. This is why I've decided to make my new year's resolutions to better myself, but no longer through arbitrary deadlines.

I found that setting dates for things was causing more problems than they should. I would be anxious because I wasn't accomplishing things fast enough, which would force me to procrastinate even more because I was scared of failure or only doing things halfway. Instead, I just didn't do anything at all. That's not the way to live: even trying and failing is better than not even trying at all.

This year's new year's resolutions:

Post more frequently

It goes without saying, but I did a pretty terrible job last year about posting consistently. I'd like to get this off the ground and running, so I'm making it a goal to be more frequent/consistent about when I post. Even with more credit hours this semester than last, I still think I can do it.

Find a better work/play balance

Last semester, I spent a lot of time working hard and didn't do very much outside of studying until close to the end of the semester. It messed me up: my grades fell (right before I changed my ways), I was bored, stressed, and lonely, even with all my friends around. You definitely don't need to go and get blackout drunk every weekend, but it's not healthy to do the opposite and never see anything but the same two residence halls over and over again and never getting up from working hard. It's a much needed reset, and a balance I wish I had found much earlier in the year.

 Fall more in love with God and Jesus

I feel as if I say this one every year, but that's because this is one that's just vague enough to accomplish more and more every year. My journey as a Christian is a marathon, and to stumble a few times here and there is not the end. Instead, I learn and I move on. God is ever faithful, and for that I'm grateful. He has a plan for me; He's brought me this far, so He can get me anywhere. It's only fair to show respect and adoration back.

I know that's only three things, but they're very important things that I recognize I struggled with last year and that NEED to be improved for this year to go much smoother. I'm not going to sit back and let 2019 happen. I'm going to make 2019 happen.